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Becoming Wolf 2023 – Letting go of Expectations

Every training, every experience is different. Especially immersive trainings like the Guardian Training, that is aimed to adapt to the needs of each unique set of people being a part of it. And for each person, it is a very different experience.

It was our third training like this in total, and the second time we focused specifically on wolves and our connection to them and what we can learn from them. Two turns of the seasons ago, we were lucky enough to follow a wolfpack through their territory for basically the whole time of the immersion. Being on a mission and having a very clear focus. This time was very different. And it had a lot to do with letting go of expectations.

Becoming Wolf without wolves?

Before the immersion started, it looked like we might not be able to find any sign of wolves. The area that had been home to at least four individuals only a few moon-cycles before the immersion seemed to have emptied out. It could be, that there was simply nobody out there at the right time to find the tracks, or they moved on. Another reason might be that they got poached, which is sadly something that happens more often than you think. So when we found some sign of wolf activity in a more distant area, we jumped on the opportunity. One of the Guardian traits is to always be prepared to act or react at a moment’s notice. So that’s what we did.

And we were generously rewarded. Only a few moments after we had left the road where we had been dropped off, we stumbled upon rather fresh tracks. They couldn’t have been older than one and a half sun-cycles. The tracks allowed us a great puzzle. Was it lynx or was it wolf? How could you distinguish between feline and canine?

Following the tracks for the rest of the sun allowed us even more insight. We could observe moving patterns, count individuals, and they led us to some more tracks. Showcasing really nicely how the lynx we had been following differed from the wolf tracks we encountered on the second sun.

“We will just find tracks everywhere”

The first few suns had gifted us with so many tracks, that it was hard not to believe, we could abandon them and find new ones anyway. So after three suns the pack decided to abandon the tracks to find a good camp spot. And… we never found tracks again for the rest of the training. Reminding us, not to take anything for granted.
But that didn’t mean we couldn’t become wolf. After all it wasn’t a tracking or trailing workshop, but a Guardian Training. And one of the Guardian mottos are “life is training, and training is life”. So whenever there is no mission. we use the time for training. To grow stronger and more resilient as individuals and as a group.

“There is firewood everywhere in the forest”

Yet another bubble that was burst, was the pretty common idea, that we would just find firewood everywhere in the forest. It’s full of trees after all, right? Well, not really. Not every type of tree is a good source of firewood, and not every stage of a tree’s life (and death) is really suited either. also, being in someone else’s forest doesn’t allow us to cut down standing dead trees or bigger trunks either. So finding a good spot for decent firewood, especially wood that we’re also allowed to take, and enough of it, is an important skill to learn.

Super stealthy all the time

A training like this will be a high-level scout training where we would be in mission mode all the time. Right? well, … ‘plop’. Sorry to burst another bubble. While this is something we are definitely aiming for, we were a very mixed group with different levels of experience, awareness, and – yes – expectation. Just as much as this was not a tracking workshop, it also was not set up to be an elite scout training, but an entry level Guardian Training. Being on such an alertness level for such a long time is like asking someone to run a marathon without any training.

And for Guardians – as much as they aim to be unseen, unheard and in the shadows – there is another skill, that needs to be mastered in combination with stealth training: to work together seamlessly in a group. And for that, we need to find our combined mission and focus.

The clear mission

Letting go of expectations and coming with an empty bowl doesn’t mean that we lower our standards and let go of our values. To create a strong mission statement is key to not fall into the trap of lowest common denominator. So when the pack formed their mission statement, and decided to give away the cooking pot to face their next group challenge, new, powerful energy was released.
This is the mission statement that our pack came up with together: “Providing protection for the wolves by our presence, learning outdoor skills and having wolves as our inspiration to learn about group dynamics and grow”.

Over-excitement and reality-check

In our modern society, we take a lot more for granted than we realize. Something as simple as a pot can reduce the cooking effort by a lot more than you might realize. And not having one may lead to a lot of frustrated, hangry and freezing pack members… And going through this experience, the pack learned, how setting the right priorities is one of the most essential skills when being out in nature for a longer period of time.

Self care vs. false comfort

Being out in nature and wanting to function at the top of our capabilities not only asks us to be trained in a specific skill, but to know and be able to take care of our most basic needs, while being aware of the false comfort trap. Sometimes we ignore our real needs of keeping our feet and hands warm, having enough food to produce heat, sleeping enough, drinking enough, or washing ourselves, while getting caught up in thinking that we need to rest, eat comfort foods, chat about this and that, or rely too much on the rest of the group taking care of common tasks.
Those seemingly “dumb” or mundane things have one of the biggest impacts during an immersion like this. And even though they might not be big issues in our civilized lives, they show us a clear path to some of the more dysfunctional patterns we bring along.

Waiting

Some of the pack members might say that our training was a lot about waiting. There usually are some that are faster, and others that are slower within every group. And depending on the task, those people can change – which also was the case this time. But waiting is a product of our civilized compartmentalization. When we’re faster, it might not mean that the others are too slow and need to train more so that we don’t have to wait. It might also not mean that we simply need to adapt to the others and become slower.
Situations like those are rather an invitation for our creativity to fill it up with helpful, productive or useful things to do, while at the same time raising an awareness for the group, and finding ways to support the others, if the slowness is a sign of not functioning.
We might have the expectation, that it’s the other’s responsibility to deliver, while it might actually be the perfect opportunity for us to take responsibility for ourselves as well as finding ways to raise the level of functioning of the whole pack.

Expectations and the Guardian

All of those topics came up during our last training of Becoming Wolf. Most of them might not seem to have a lot to do with what we would expect a Guardian Training to be about. Yet those are some of the most basic things to learn and be aware of. “If we have a hammer, everything looks like a nail”. Even if we’re not aware of the hammer we’re holding. So, to sum it all up: Guardian Training has so many different aspects of training, that if you are open to it, there is always a possibility to go deeper, and let go of ideas, patterns, and expectations – while raising the overall congruency and level of whatever it is you’re doing.

Impressions


Guardian Way Blog

Becoming Protector 2022 – Going deeper

This season’s training was focused around truly stepping into our rule as protector for the earth and our people. What is needed for us to serve? How can we train, learn and grow to be able to face whatever might be coming?

The area

This time, we consciously chose an area that is not so remote. Closer to civilization. Partly because of the personal connection of one of the guide’s – Andris- to the land and the animals (especially wolves) living there, and partly because it was important to experience more directly how we humans influence the wild beings all around us.
Do they hide even more? Do they get more used to and closer to humans? – Is that benefiting or hindering them in the long run? – All important questions with no easy answer.

The bumpy start

We are living in quite challenging and precarious times, and this also showed in the start of the training. If we constantly live on our edge, there is no wiggle-room for when additional challenges come up. And we soon learn, that the most important thing is always our health and the health of our loved ones. If that is not available, it’s out of our hands to do anything else other than that.
So when two of our trainees had to switch their focus on healing, it meant that we would only be 6 people out in the forest, immersing ourselves into the quest and question of what it takes to be a guardian.

Civilization’s Impact on the wild

Being out there, walking through the territory of the local wolf pack, we were faced with the conflict of illegal game/wolf surveillance, having found a high tech camera in a nature reserve that most likely was placed there to catch footage of the wolves. We can only guess as to why it was really there and what might have been the final goal or intention of it all. But it shows, that not even the forest is safe for the animals to be left alone at.
We walked across clear-cut areas, reminding us that even though it’s forest and it might feel like wilderness to us, it’s actually mostly just monoculture farming of wood. Again, not making it a safe place for animals to be left alone.
We found trash randomly dumped at least every other day, seeing a very important future mission to clean up the forest from things like old tires, car seats, cables and random other items.
Coming across an old dumping ground for a specific kind of duck being raised solely for sports hunting, killed by the hundreds, and then simply dumped
wild in a field, for animals like boar and fox to then be eaten (and poisoned by the led in the bullets), as definitely a specifically gruesome part of our discovery.
Being out in mid february and having the temperature, as well as the reaction of the plant and animal life be that it would seem to be beginning of april was yet another more long-term sign of our civilized influence on the climate and therefore on the wilderness we seem to cherish so much.

What to protect?

If we truly want to step into our role as guardian and protector, we first need to deeply understand and learn about what it is that we want to protect. otherwise we might do more harm than good.
We need to live as they live, move as they move, and learn as they learn. Completely immersing ourselves. When we realize, that we are constantly at the risk of being seen, heard and therefore either hunted by other wild animals or by humans, we get a small glimpse into the natural world of needing to be ever alert and present.

Sticking together is important

Humans are social animals. We function best, when we stick together. When we all take over certain roles and tasks, we don’t have to do it all alone. Especially just starting out with wilderness skills, our “pack” learned that no matter if it’s navigation, firemaking, cooking, collecting firewood, or sharing the story of the wake- or sleep time: it, works a lot better, takes less energy, yields more/better results, or makes it even only possible, if we all work together.

The discomfort

With each experience, different aspects of discomfort come up. They can be related to the cold, or the weather in general (usually, wet is even harder to handle than cold), but also, they can be found in more invisible parts of the experience.
But knowing, why you do the thing you do is a core necessity of going through any kind of discomfort. If we don’t know, why we do what we do, or if we realize, that our ideas or expectations might have been different, this makes it a lot harder to accept and live through the discomfort, in order to experience the gift we get when we stick with the path anyway.

Living a life of a guardian or protector is not for everyone. It’s not about an adventure, but about growth, learning, being of service and fully immersing yourself.
But when you learn to feel comfortable with discomfort, there is no stopping you!


here are some impressions of the immersion:


Guardian Way Blog personal story

finding your place

Do you know the feeling like you don’t belong? Well, I do. I know it like an chronic rash that just wouldn’t completely go away…

Of course, it’s not exactly like that, but I’m happy to have found a similarly frustrating analogy… Because this is the life of a Guardian. I once talked with a group of fellow guardians, and we figured out, we’re a pack full of black sheep of our communities and families. And the closest to finding a place where we belong might be in a group of other misfits…

So here is my story.

I’ve been in the world of computers for a really long time, and there is the feeling of home there. It’s known. Or at least I know what I know and what I don’t know, and I feel confident enough in my expertise and experience to openly say what I don’t know and that I’m fine with it. But there’s something missing.

And on my search to find what was missing, I have found the wilderness and my own wild side. The part of me that feels truly alive when jumping into icy cold water, almost burning my hands when roasting my food on the fire, standing my ground when the wind seems to want to sweep me off my feet, or digging in the dirt to build an earth lodge. There I can be fully present, in the moment, connected.

But there always comes a time, where I remember the civilized world. Where I feel the need to go back. To build a bridge between those two worlds that I know so well, but can’t stay in completely. The only thought that keeps me grounded, reminds me, that I am right where I need to be, and that this is my place. The knowing that my role in life is to be a Guardian. A Guardian of the Earth, of the people, of the natural balance of our ecosystem. And to bring those different worlds together in order to bring balance, I need to know all the different players in the game.

I still feel a lot like I don’t belong. At the same time I find comfort in that realization. I will not be a specialist or someone “successful” in either of those worlds. I will probably never be so fully immersed in the wilderness like some of the people I know. And I will just as likely not become super successful in the world of IT. The only place for me is to feel fully present with myself. To be an expert of being a generalist, of being myself. To be a full-fledged Guardian. This also means being comfortable not in finding my place, but creating it. Not to compare myself to others but only to my past self.

To let go of all the ideas. Even the idea of letting go of all ideas. I need to embrace the fact that I will never truly feel comfortable. I can seek comfort and have my muscles become weak. But I won’t really feel comfortable in my skin. And I can seek discomfort, and feel the most alive. And I need to train my muscles for that. I can’t go out with nothing and simply build my own place, my own space. A place where I can find a balance between comfort and comfortable. I need to start slowly to build my muscles. Like with the process of rewilding an animal, I need to slowly get used to it, slowly build my own wildlife habitat, before I can release myself in it.

This is my exploration. This is my mission. What I have set out to do. I started almost 8 years ago, and it might be a lifelong mission. But I know that that’s the only path I can take.

This is of course just one of many stories of Guardians. Every Guardian is different. Not everyone feels to only have the role of the Guardian, or the Voice, or the Nurturer for that matter. And we all interpret it very differently. And that’s the beauty of the Guardian Way.

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